


Monster In My Head

by StevenSuccDicc (cyanidetxxic)



Series: Tumblr Prompts [1]
Category: Sugar Pine 7 RPF
Genre: First Kiss, It's pretty gay and sad my dudes, M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 01:29:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13202814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyanidetxxic/pseuds/StevenSuccDicc
Summary: Have you ever stopped and wondered how your life got like this? How, when you look at yourself in the mirror, you just feel disgusted with yourself? Because you’re a wreck, a mess, you’re an idiot, a bully? How when you look at your hands, you just see the metaphorical blood of all the people that you’ve hurt or disappointed?





	Monster In My Head

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Things you said after you kissed me.

Have you ever stopped and wondered how your life got like this? How, when you look at yourself in the mirror, you just feel disgusted with yourself? Because you’re a wreck, a mess, you’re an idiot, a bully? How when you look at your hands, you just see the metaphorical blood of all the people that you’ve hurt or disappointed?

Well, that’s what I did.

Yet he didn’t see that. He didn’t look at me like I was the murderer of hopes and dreams. He didn’t look at me like I was the villain. He just looked at me like I was human… An imperfect, silly, mistake driven human.

And I couldn’t understand how.

Everyone saw me as the monster I slowly became. Everyone but him.

When he died, I just… Spiraled further down. And when he came back, I was already in too deep that I could already feel the dirt and mud filling my mouth, nose, ears, eyes… I couldn’t breathe anymore, I couldn’t see anymore, I couldn’t move…

I was buried so deep into my own shit.

And what broke me was that when I went to visit him, he didn’t seem to care.

But barely a few hours after I got home, I heard franatic knocking on my door and since no one ever comes to visit me, I immediately thought that whatever was behind that door was here to kill me.

And I accepted that.

I mean, how couldn’t I? I deserved to die, so if someone just decided to show up at my door and kill me, I wasn’t just going tell them “No, you got the wrong guy, go away.” Maybe I would beg for my life, but really that would just slow up the whole process, and I don’t want to die slowly.

I didn’t expect what was behind that door.

I didn’t expect him.

When I opened the door, Parker didn’t even hesitate a second to barge in and ask me what the fuck is going on with me because when I came to his house earlier, it was like a pitiful cry for help. His words after that were a blur, and I couldn’t focus anymore, and when I thought I was going to pass out…

He kissed me.

It was a soft, almost hesitant kiss, but not in the way of “i didn’t want to kiss you ever, gross”, but in the “I’ve been too afraid to kiss you for so long, I can’t believe I’m actually doing it.”

“You’re not the monster you made yourself think you are.” Parker told me after our lips parted, but our foreheads remained connected. “You are not the villain of this story. Or any story. You’re the leader that has to deal with everyone’s bullshit and I know how much that is draining you because you’re trying to do it all alone.”

“I am alone.” I told him, my eyes looking to the side to avoid Parker’s.

“Steven… Steve, you aren’t. You aren’t alone. You have your friends at Sugar Pine 7, and… You have me. Okay? You’re not alone in this, I’m here to help, everyone is.”

It took me a while to believe that.

But, honestly? That was the most cheesy thing he could have said after he kissed me.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr at ohoneyno


End file.
